I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
