i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
