you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
