Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
