Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
