I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need Xanax blowdarts
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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