I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
