blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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