carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
