Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
