# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Your dad touched me again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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