Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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