Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
