I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
