you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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