She said her name was "party"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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