guys are not supposed to queef...right?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
