well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
