this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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