i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
