Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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