My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
