I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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