can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
