You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
