I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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