I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
