If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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