He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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