i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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