Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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