I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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