haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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