yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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