No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
