You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
