When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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