i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize