I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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