Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
