Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
