Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
