I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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