Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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