My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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