She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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