no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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