just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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