im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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