He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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