Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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