spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
