i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
