His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
