Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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