When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
