Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
being pregnant is like rehab
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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