he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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