My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
