What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
