Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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