I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
