apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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