Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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