ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
