mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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