Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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