What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
