If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
