Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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