I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
