i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
